Rodent 101: How to Entice, Ensnare, and Exterminate

When the seasons change, you get new pets. We are not talking about a cute little chef with a French accent, any great detectives, or the heartwarming tale of Feivel. They are not sweet, do not break out into song, or help sew any of my dresses for the big ball. They are creepy and gross andwill be evicted one way or another. Since we havehadfive Mickeys in the past few weeks, we have developed a little bit of a system that would be downright cruel to keep to ourselves and not share with the general public.

Step 1: Decide what type of trap to use. Poison is effective, but then you do run the risks of mickey dying and decaying in your walls and you will need a gasmask to breathe, let alone no one will come visit you for weeks. Sticky traps initially seem great, but many a mickey has been known to chew his legs off in a failed escape attempt and left a bloody trail with its nubs. No thanks. What I recommend is the good ole-fashioned snap trap. I think it's a little morehumane.
Step 2: Decide what Mickey's last meal will be. I have tried quite the spread : cheddar cheese, peanut butter, chocolate cake, etc. What I have found most effective is mixing a little ham with some cream cheese. This tasty little hors d'oeuvre is unexpected and hard for Mickey to resist.

Step 3: Find the money spot where Mickey will most likely tread, set the trap, and wait......

Step 4: Try not to be the first one up-- thereby making your roommate see how successful your hunting endeavors were.

Step 5: Disposal. This actually is multiple steps rolled into one. I like to start off wearing the proper equipment: rain boots and rubber gloves. Then you toss a paper towel over the multilated corpse so you don't have to see it. Grab the nearby swiffer and nudge it close to you. Gain any composure you may have lost and pray for courage as you pick it up and drop it in the target bag. Now run downstairs and bury him in the dumpster.

As simple as that. Five steps that will change your life :)